This is a ballad to the real heroes – no, not the guy who thinks “BEING” nice will get him inside your pants and knows only how to get The Game and get laid. This is for the ones who are nice.
Nice guys are usually easy to figure out, but be careful you don’t fall into the hands of a creep who pretends to be nice.
A nice guy is the one who’ll hold a conversation with you without agenda. Friendships actually work with them. And if you want a relationship: – the nice guy is the one you should love.
No More Bad Boys! Good Guys Rock The Most.
“But oooh, I could tame a bad boy! That will make me whole!” No. Get your pen and cross out the James Dean fantasy here.
“Bad boys are more exciting and have a dark sensitive side!” says the song where you’re asked to act all mysterious an coy, then ghost at the sign of intimacy; being the projection of what is in fact a psychological pathology from the bad boy himself. It’s the one of many songs and brand messages which blend into a faux-hip-hop mush where a woman gyrates and tells someone to Shut Up And I Don’t Care I Love It Tick Tock or some stupid pointless, submissive, behavioural-based shit. Eurgggghhhhhhhh.
Bad Boy Culture is a Co-Opted, Twisted Fairy Tale
The real fair tales are dark, like the original Brothers Grimm. Modern fucked up Bad Boy culture is the mutation of co-opted, poisoned symbolism we all used to know and love in film noir, fairy tales and Johnny Cash songs where the disaffected soul, searching for meaning and joy in a dead, dead world is now a set of hypocritical ideals where in Cool = Bad Boy = apathetic. And crude = inaccessible =flaky fop who runs at the first signal of seriousness of commitment. For as long as he has a slick apartment and good phone (or 3…).
But of course, this is not true. Truth is, bad boys will hurt you. And they will hurt you forever, if you let them. And so herein this blog post is the ode to the NON-bad boy. The man who does, (or more usually, does not because we’re all under the spell of fairy tales until we die) get to put the P in V or indeed, the Bs, the A or the M as much as he’d like.
The 6 Reasons Why Nice Guys Finish First
1. Nice guys are straightforward, and don’t mess around playing mind games when you call or text.
You get a real sentence that expresses thought, feeling, desire and meaning rather than copious egotism from the crappery of his tin-man heart (i.e. none).
Bad boy goes:
- 1am: first date while you’re at the bar with him. He just stares at you sexily in the eye and texts: “Baby I am so hot for you right now, let’s just get out of here.”
- 8am: you wake up in your own bed. He’s picking the last of his clothes up and he’s gone. He texts you 8pm, asking to hook up (if you’re lucky).
Nice Guy goes:
- 1am: somehow, still awake and talking. It’s a first date while you’re at the bar with him: you are in an adult, fun conversation.
- 8am: you wake up in your own bed. He’s still here. He texts you at 2pm after he’s stayed for breakfast. His text interrupts your post-mortem with friends and it says: “I miss you already! Last night was fun. Let me know when you want to meet me again. Or call me. x”
2. How annoying is it when they don’t see how much it is raining and you can’t run for shelter in heels?
Bad boys scuttle like cockroaches in the rain, saving their expensive shirts and shoes. Good guys match your pace, offer you their coat for your gorgeous hair (which they pointed out before anyway) and shoulders and ask if you want to head someplace warm and with seats.
3. Speaking of head: bad boys treat it like a god-given right, which is f*cking rude.
All the nice guys think about your needs and at least return the favour, if not actually take the initiative. But be careful – the serious players use this tactic, very well indeed.
4. Nice guys want to do your freaky things in the bedroom, not just their own.
5. Bad boys listen to you and your opinions, but interject and take over with their own story to the point where you’ve forgotten yours, and in the worst case scenarios, make you wonder why he even wants you around talking to him the first place. Good guys listen to your opinion, create discussion and want to know about you.
6. Bad boys do things for you only because they want to bang you. Nice guys do things for you because they want to.
There’s no favour exchange or coincidental causal link between twattery and lack of nookie for the good guys. There always will be for bad boys.
TL;DR: nice guys are like Cartman during his Twinklestar / Cupid phase (but, like, without the tears and voyeurism and Butters), whereas Bad Boys are Cartman with Wendy in this episode. That’s probably not helpful, but it will save you a lot of wasted time trying to rationalise bad boy behaviour and stuffing up my blog inbox with questions about your own sex life.
2 responses to “The 6 Reasons Why Nice Guys Finish First”
A good, refreshing read. Unfortunately, the “nice guys” to whom you allude in the first paragraph have become so terribly ubiquitous that I don’t like to think of myself as a “nice guy”. Rather, I endeavour to be a “good person”.
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