IT’S ABOUT TIME I DID a speedy guide. Not because I’ll write one more genuine than a national magazine did, and in fewer words, but because sometimes, you need a winning plan. So. What if you want the mischief on offer but you’ve never been before?

How To Spend A Day In Manchester

#TheMancPlan:

1. Grab best mate/sister/nearest party animal.

2. Book a cheap hotel in advance. Try Etap in Salford Quays: two minutes form the tram station and an easy route to and from town. Look for yellow Eccles trams.

3. Use the day for shopping your socks off so you’ll have to buy new ones. Head to the Arndale Centre, Market Street.

4. Find Manchester’s soul. Walk past Debenhams into a side street. Look for a giant saxophone. Opposite: Afflecks Palace, Church Street; a multicoloured teen haunt. The third floor is chock full of indie designers and kooky items.

5. Lunchdate culture – Dry Bar, Oldham Street – home to where many a Manc band began or did their first ever gigs, yes, even New Order.

6. Hotel – try The Palace Hotel. Get ready. Take a bus (142, 42 from South Manchester are v. regular, 24 hour buses), tram, or walk: this is the beauty of the compact city.

7. Predrinks. Font Bar, Oxford Road. 7. Go OUT! Suave: Tribeca, Sackville Street; Hip: Bluu, Northern Quarter. Live: Mint Lounge, Oldham St; Popular: Bar 38, Deansgate., Dubstep: Subspace, next to Font.

8. Be safe, respect, use licensed taxis (Cab failsafe: Piccadilly Train Station)

9. Hotel. Water. Sleep in till you have to check out.

10. Be happy: you survived the city of raving!

You can thank me after your hangover! And you’re welcome.