Music Normcore

Here Comes Another Valentines Compilation Album Again

HERE WE GO AGAIN.

Hallmark and Interflora’s favourite time of the year casts its ever-looming shadow to make all singletons and players feel lonely, or slightly empty, or both.

Especially if they find they are devoid of disposable presents/surprise city break tickets/spa passes. (I heard that this was a thing?!)

heartballoon

And especially if they openly despise the commodification of romance by way of cynical, non-academic references to materialism. Yes, here comes the Valentines grinch!

If you’ve been blessed with fairly normal parental units who treasure cheesy sentiment, then you are guaranteed a card. Parents fondly remember those adolescent days when you would moan about how no-one loved you as you listened to Eurythmics’ Here Comes The Rain Again and really felt every lyric.* All emotional ails would be cured with a hug and a cuppa and an “Are you feeling better? Good. Now get on with your homework.”

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In a similar rushed endeavour, most presents between couples are bought on a whim. From recounted experiences of loved-up friends apparently they are not  bought with the good kind of spontaneity. What they receive is a fair share of cards, chocs, flowers, wine, decent undies and ‘quirky’ yet mass-produced presents that affirm a beautiful and unique bond.

Oh look darling! Valentine’s Compilation album. You shouldn’t have! No really, you shouldn’t have bothered.

Due out this year is a cleverly titled “The Valentines Album: 25 beautiful easy classics for the one you love”.

Hmmmmmm.

Here Comes Another Valentines Compilation Album Again

 

Alas, you should count yourself lucky if you get this. Back in 2006, uncreative couples were treated to a whopping three discs called ‘Be My Valentine‘, courtesy of those gems at EMI who understood that halfway through the first decade of the 21st century, UK couples wanted to listen to Blue and Meat Loaf. (Roxy Music and Nina Simone more than make up for this major mixtape blunder, although Atomic Kitten restart that loss of the will to live.)

Anyway, back to this year’s offering. The first adjective, ‘beautiful’ is wholly justified after seeing the tracklisting. The second adjective, ‘easy’? Not so justified. Since when was swing and classic jazz… easy? Louis Armstrong is worth more than being shoved on a compilation album as much as he proved Adorno was a self-righteous music snob. And do not give me that easy-listening crap. “Easy Listening” is not a genre, because “Hard Listening” is not a genre. It’s a gimmick and so finds its perfect match in the whole concept of a Valentine’s compilation.

Ah… look! There’s another bored, easy listening CD waiting for a new couple, right there on the soon-to-be-gone CD shelf.

I am the Valentines Grinch.

Happy Valentine’s.

2 comments

  1. Poor Satchmo. Another unsuspecting target of mammoth conglomerates doing exactly what it is that mammoth conglomerates do.

    At least they didn’t get Miles.

  2. It’s not just them – LOVEFiLM is trying a similar tactic. Here’s a hint, guys. If someone orders films on the Interbutts, they do not want to be reminded that romance exists.

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